Power of Reflection, Part 1 | Self Awareness, Suicide, and Survival: A map to life purpose
Self Reflection in Action
My first job in crisis stabilization mental health was located at a camp setting in the woods of New Hampshire. There wasn't any cell service and it was far from an actual "town". It was a program for kids aged 6-18 divided into different groups. I was assigned a group of fifteen year old boys in which I worked most closely with a boy on the autism spectrum. He likely could have been diagnosed as Aspergers but also suffered from paralyzing anxiety and stress. He would look calm, but inside his body was so tense that he would spontaneously run away from the group when he could not handle it anymore.
He did not know why he acted like that except to just get rid of the discomfort. He did not know why he was so uncomfortable or what triggered his anxiety.
We spent a lot of time together talking through what led up to his reactions and behaviors, which helped him identify some of his strongest triggers for the first time and understand why those triggers created really uncomfortable sensations.
One day when I was particularly pushing hard on a reflection that went back to his childhood and a way his mother behaved, he paused and asked, "What is the point of talking about all of this?"
Great question. In so few words he asked what the point was of therapy. I told him the point was to understand yourself and why things are the way they are so that we do not continue to feel trapped in our own lives.
He liked the answer - thank goodness - and proceeded to have a massive breakthrough in that conversation.
The Point of Reflection
The point of self reflection on the fundamental level is to promote our survival.
If our ancestors did not learn and remember where a sabertooth tiger was hanging out, the tiger would have picked off all the humans one by one. But we survived because we could reflect on where we knew the threats were and strategically plan our hunting routes. these days we protect ourselves from so many other kinds of threats that we must be able to reflect on and learn about that threat in order to make sure that we survive.
With the many suicidal individuals with whom I have worked, they understood the importance of self-reflection - whether they participated in it or not - was in its ability to give them hope for a better life and hope for survival. They simply needed to want the self awareness.
Self Awareness’ Role
Self reflection is the application of self awareness. Self awareness is not an inherent talent, though. It is not a skill that with which we are born.
We are born with consciousness, yes, which enables our self awareness, but self awareness itself is something for which we only have a capacity.
This means that it is available to us if we want it.
We all act in our lives out of basic awareness. Kind of like basic cable, it is the set of personal awareness channels that we get automatically installed in us as we grow up. These pre-loaded channels include things like:
basic interests
general curiosities
fears
future dreams / fantasies
hobbies / pastimes
general etiquette & behavior
Nothing too deep; just the baseline software in us that get us from one day to the next if we do not want to work any harder than that. Those who want more out of their lives, though, are the ones who want to put in more work.
The point of self awareness is to learn why you are here.
Your purpose. Why you are alive on this planet. The whole reason of your existence.
You can’t just jump to that, though.
The sequence of clarities that self awareness serves to define your life's purpose is as follows:
Why you are "the way you are" - cause and effect relationships between triggers, emotions, and behaviors
"Who" you are - core values, core needs, ambitions, goals
Who you want to be - future outlook toward personality traits of who you will be once you have achieved those goals and ambition
What you can do for the world - your unique God-given gift that you are meant to express and contribute to the world around you.
What you are meant to do (why you are here) - HOW to actually share that gift with the world.
Isn't that cool? This sequence comprises my whole career so I am naturally obsessed with self awareness, but that is not universal.
Suicide is still unfortunately rampant in the world. Even those who achieve steps 1 & 2 in the sequence get to #3 and think that they do not have any hopes and aspirations because they cannot easily come up with one and they feel helpless.
Part of the human condition desires to know why we are here. Survival and purpose are probably the two most profound innermost drives we possess but the amount of effort it requires to get to step 5 dissuades people from the pursuit. Not only that, they end up neglecting their survival needs!
What Step Are You On?
I'll go into more detail about why people do not become more self aware and practice self reflection next week, but for now I want you to look at the 5 Step process and identify where you are in it.
Which step are you on?
How do you feel about being at that step?
Do you care about moving on?
What is holding you back?
If you feel stuck, sad, or stressed about this process, please reach out to me by clicking on this button below and scheduling a FREE self-exploration. I will meet you where you are in the process and within minutes together we will show you the power of self reflection...
