Oct 24

Oct 24 Allright So You Are Dying.....How Do You Feel About Your Life?

Allright so you are lying on your deathbed. Family is around you, you're warm and comfortable. You know the end is nearing, and you begin to replay the events of your life like a movie montage. This is the moment when you get to look back and decide how you feel about your life. How you feel about the choices you made. How will you feel?

I know, a super morbid intro, but it presents an equally important question for us all to consider.

It is not a new question in the personal development / life fulfillment world by any means.

I did not make it up, but I feel responsible to present it to my readers and remind people of its power.

In the famous reflection through her work in Palliative Care, Bronnie Ware lists the top five regrets of those who are dying when they think back on their lives:

they wish they had the courage to be true to themselves, instead of living a life someone else expected of them.
they wish they hadn't worked so hard
they wish they had expressed their feelings more
they wish they had stayed in better touch with friends
they wish they had let themselves be happier

Numbers 2-5 are notable because they relate to one's personal values in life, such as contact with friends, how much they want to work, and their definition of happiness to pursue.

The first regret on the list, however, is most profound.

I have heard this question asked at a lot of personal development and business growth seminars where so many entrepreneurs are striving to do what fulfills them, make labor easier, and change the world in order to be happy. A lot of those entrepreneurs focus too hard on the business as their one avenue to happiness, and subsequently lose sight of themselves and their own values.

So many people in the world do not realize how important it is to be selfish and focus on what will make them personally individually uniquely happy before they focus on how to serve and save the world.

This is sadly why so many people settle for a life they don't want and then reflect down the road on the mistake of not choosing something that would actually excite them.

The initial question - how would you feel about your life when it's time for you to die - is powerful for several reasons:

MOTIVATION = we motivate ourselves by future aspirations, but when you are about to die there is no future! The question forces us to look back at the past - which is often uncomfortable - and evaluate something that we cannot change. The mere prospect of having control over what images you will see in the future when you look to the past is so much more motivating than only looking at the future from now. It's part of the legacy you leave behind.
LEGACY = people don't think about the legacy they want to leave for the world because they are often too focused on the here and now and the grind of the tedious present. Even if you do not want to be famous or particularly remembered, your life still affects that of countless other people whether you know it or not. How do you want to affect them?
VALUES = thinking about your own death is a humbling experience. It wipes out the ego and helps the brain focus hard on what really matters to you in life. In this way, the reflection helps you elucidate your current personal values that you use as lightposts for your interests and career path. Even if you have trouble thinking about the legacy you want to leave, you will still walk away with a better understanding of what you care about and subsequently how to make decisions in the future that are more aligned with what you care about.

This question and the number one regret on Ware's list is highly motivating for me.

I started making life choices based on my personal interests back in high school, though emotionally I did not feel like it was okay to do. As I continued to practice making those choices, however, I slowly proved my brain otherwise (not as easy as it sounds, mind you).

I am now at a point in my career and with my business where it is most important to consider what I really care about, what impact I want to have on the world, and, more importantly, what truly motivates me to do this work.

I have reevaluated my motivators recently and continue to make choices based on my personal values. What about you?

When I am lying on my deathbed and look back at the replay of my life, I will ask: DID I HAVE FUN?

Did I enjoy the things I chose to do?

Now, spotlight on you!

When you think long in the future to the moment where you are watching the montage replay of your past:

what question will you ask?
how will you feel about your life?
now that you have the opportunity to do something about it, how would you like to feel at that time?
what is one tiny thing you can do today to change the trajectory of how you will feel at the end?