Suicide, Pressure, And The One Thing You Need To Change Your Life
I used to work in a residential treatment program for teenagers who attempted suicide, considered it, self-harmed, and / or fought the many variations of depression and anxiety that contribute to those behaviors. It was a short-term program in which the daily schedule was highly structured with various treatment activities, therapy sessions, and community building.
Many called it a "crisis" program that served as the last resort before the child was sent to hospital for pharmaceutical stabilization. The program was quite successful and many teens did not have to move on to further hospitalization.
A lot of children did not want to be there, though. Despite the fact that part of them knew it would be a good idea to seek another option other than committing suicide, they would feel a sense of helplessness, shame, and fear coming into a strange environment and meeting strange people. Some of these kids dug their heels in and chose not to engage in treatment work for several days in hopes of holding onto a little personal power via defiance.
It may have worked to frustrate their parents at home, but for my teammates and I it meant that we could honor their decision.
See, I could not force a child to want help from me, no matter how many times they had tried to commit suicide or cut themselves. We would keep them safe and continue to compassionately encourage their participation, but treatment does not work when the staff work harder than the resident to do the resident's therapy.
This is how burnout occurs.
Most of the time, the child would realize that my team was kind and the other kids were working hard to be vulnerable and make progress and so the defiant resident would slowly ease into the routine of treatment work with us.
In a couple of instances, when residents chose to disengage from the work, I gently said "That's fine. You can hang out, then go home and we will see you again next week." Lo and behold, we did see them the next week and they said "Hey Taylor, I'm ready this time..." and then we dive in.
Everyone SHOULD want to change, to improve, evolve, grow, etc. in life.
But there is no point at which you SHOULD want to change, improve, etc. No one can tell anyone when they HAVE TO change.
No matter how many times we hear the suggestion, it is up to each of us to want it for ourselves.
This desire is the single most important and only necessary element for personal change to occur on any level.
Change cannot happen until you want it to.
But from how many things in your daily life do you receive pressure to change? So many things, I'm sure.
Social media telling you how to look, video games suggesting how to spend your time, the news convincing you how to interact with people, we get bombarded with pressure all the time.
This bombardment is not new, but what remains new is how each of us responds to the ever-evolving pressure in a sped-up world.
This is when I would usually make the reasonable point that that is the reason why you should learn to adapt, make change in your life, and evolve yourself to ensure personal fulfillment and future success.
But I am not going to do that today. Not this time.
Instead I am going to be a source of relief for you. I'll be the little bubble of air amidst your sea of heaping oxygen-less pressure.
So step back a little further. Take a breath. Let's hug it out.
How do you respond to pressure to change something about yourself or your life?
Do you hate it like I do?
Do you get defensive?
When you do recognize that a change would be beneficial, such as a career shift or connection with a loved one, what does it take for you to WANT to make that change?
What about it ends up motivating you to take action?
Examples could include an overweight individual choosing to lose weight when they have a heart attack, or someone who leaves medical school because they see just how happy making art makes them feel.
It could be anything, so follow these TWO STEPS to take pressure off of yourself and own your journey:
Find a time during the day today or tomorrow in which you can feel a bubble of relief from the pressures of the day. Maybe this is for a few minutes on a walk outside, or right when you get home from work and sit on the couch without any noise around you, or maybe right before bed when the warmth of your blanket starts to set in. What is your moment of air in which you can take a conscious breath for yourself?
During that relieving moment of your day, answer this one simple question: what would it take to make you WANT to make healthy change in your life? What would personally flip the switch for you?
Before you follow this two step plan, remember that I am not asking you to change right now. You should not feel pressure to change anything about your life from this blog post.
By acting out the two steps, you instead put two new tools in your toolbelt for personal development. The first provides the tool of when and how you can truly escape the noise during your day and the second gives you the awareness of the point at which you will choose to listen to a suggestion (from the outside world or yourself) to make positive change toward something in your life.
Both relieve the pressure of hearing and taking in all of the recommendations for how your life ought to be that the world feels inclined to share.
Take ownership of your life today.
If you want help talking through the two step plan or you want to vent to someone about all of the pressures you fight on a daily basis, click the button below to chat with me for FREE:
